Seven common myths about helping
We all are helpers at times in our lives. We often help our children, our partner, parents, colleagues or friends in a variety of situations.
We all are helpers at times in our lives. We often help our children, our partner, parents, colleagues or friends in a variety of situations. Mythical beliefs about the process of helping can negatively affect both the helper and those being helped, so it's time for a Spring clean.
Myth 1: Helpers always solve peopleās problems
- Even very experienced helpers do not resolve all issues put to them;
- Some queries or difficulties do not have an easy or quick answer;
- Helpers own experience may or may not be sufficient to support person seeking help;
- No helper will have all of the experience sufficient to provide a list of reliable solutions to the full range of common problems;
- Solutions or change are not always possible; the helperās role may be to enable the person to come to terms with the realities of their situation and/or to learn to live with it.
- Most problems are not solved quickly;
- The quick-fix approach tends to remove peopleās individuality and reduces their circumstances or situation into ready-made categories;
- Effective helpers use communication and listening skills to understand what people are expressing; this is a process and takes time;
- What peopleās real concerns are do not always emerge quickly.
- Helpers do not necessarily have more experience than those they are helping;
- Helping is not the same thing as telling people what to do or think;
- Helpers may be tempted to prove their helpfulness by telling people what to do;
- Helpers can be perceived as patronising and intrusive when they cut short a story with premature explanations e.g. āYou know what this is really aboutā¦.ā
- Increased age in years does not necessarily bring wisdom (sometimes it just brings greater conviction of being correct or having the right to tell younger people what to do);
- Effective helpers draw on appropriate skills as well as experience gained over time;
- Children and young people can also be supportive and genuinely helpful.
- If this were true, helping services could not function;
- Empathy and effective listening enable helpers to understand peopleās unique experience;
- Relevant experience can be helpful but is not essential for either practical help or an understanding of emotions.
- Effective helping does require some preparation, training and practice to improve the skills needed for the kind of help you will offer;
- All helpers should continue to learn and take opportunities to extend their skills through training and reflection on their practice;
- Some types of helping will require specific training in order to safely meet the needs of some people, but other types do not;
- Effective helpers know the limits of their training and experience and have both the skills and confidence to refer on when appropriate.
- It is human to have problems and doubts and even very experienced helpers will have some difficulties in their own lives;
- Helpers often find that they have or have had personal difficulties in the very area in which they are working.
